Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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