I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
