Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
