the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You took a bar mat shot.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
