I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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