oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
