just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
