Me too!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
