Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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