i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
