I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
