Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
