I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
