i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
