She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
