Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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