i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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