If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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