He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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