So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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