Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
