so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
