I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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