i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
