Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
