I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
