well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
