Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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