Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
