I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
