Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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