1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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