Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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