rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
