dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
