i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
