oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
now i know why i became what i already was.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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