I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
