Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
