she smelled like a LAN party
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
