I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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