the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
