the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
