Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
