Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
