I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
