is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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