we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
