Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
