what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
