Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
