You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just want nice things and good sex
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
