You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
