when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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