Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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